June 30th, 2019

I will admit. I'm tired. 

It’s been TWO whole months since my last post and I will say that I’ve been BUSY! Lets just say that I had a summer break and now I’m BACK!! I know you probably expect me to discuss the brunch because it was such a HUGE success but this isn’t that post. I’m saving that for the next one.

So this past week I was in Iowa for the national convention with New Leaders Council (NLC) and I came home Sunday, just to turn around on Tuesday and fly out to Rhode Island for work. Part of me feel like I didn’t even get a chance to embrace being home but, work calls and with free airfare, room, food, and great learning tools I can take back to make my job better, I’m soooooo here for it.

However, before I traveled, I had to ensure that my dialysis treatments were sought up and honestly at first I was bothered. This was the first time that I had flown and been away from home for a long period of time since being on dialysis—both times. That feeling of sadness started bothering me again. That little voice reminding me how young I am, thinking of all the other young and educated people that are going to be at the NLC conference who I saw as “normal”... bothered me. I was a little worried because I wondered, what if I couldn’t keep up? What if my body started aching? I dread going to dialysis because it takes so much out of me! I hate the fact that I have to cut out a chunk of my time to sit in center for almost FOUR HOURS! Being young and looking around seeing people being rolled in by transport ambulances, people unable to walk, amputated feet and hearing people cry and scream really really messes with you mentally. Once in dialysis, I saw someone experience a seizure. Crazy right!? Trust. I struggle. Baaaad.

However, dialysis is my lifeline. For those who don’t know, dialysis is what helps clean my kidneys and filters the waste and excess fluid in my body. Without dialysis, I WILL DIE. Period. Despite the circumstances, isn’t life more valuable than those sucky like 3 1/2 hours that I’m in dialysis? I think so.

Usually I’m the one encouraging others but this situation really had me in my feelings and since I had no therapy that week, I had to dig within myself to find that encouragement to push through... and I FOUND IT!!!

Listen. Having Lupus is hard. Having Kidney Disease is hard. Hell, life is hard! However, had I stayed in the room, or not even tried to have fun, I wouldn’t have realized that those “normal” young people who I consider my friends and colleagues would’ve never been able to show how much they support me. They were SO DAMN SUPPORTIVE! They reminded me of things I needed to do!

Remember, your HEALTH IS FIRST!!! How can you do anything if you’re DEAD!? I know, you can’t.

Despite your illness, don’t be afraid to do what makes YOU happy! You want to travel? Get that health to a stable state, get them coinages together and GO!

I always remind people, I went 7 years after high school before I was well enough to work work. SEVEN!
So no flights, no business conferences, hotel stays, sight seeing, nothing! However, I still lived! I still hug out with my friends, took out of town trips (not too far), always remembering that life is short as long as I’m taking care of myself, It’ll all work out.

I truly believe that life was NOT meant to be easy. If it was, how could we become these bad asses that we are!? How could we be so strong and know how to help others? We would recognize worth!? So many questions!