Having a chronic illness is TOUGH! I am currently sitting in this hospital wide awake with a million and one things on my mind. Believe it or not, many things that I do think about are usually the same things that I think about every time I’m locked up in here. I wonder how long I’ll be locked in for, the things I could be doing instead of being stuck in this bed and I think about the food I could be eating; even though I have no appetite this time. Why am I here? To me, it’s too long to explain, so the shortened version is that I have no appetite, I can’t keep food food down, abdomen pain, major fatigue and drastic weight loss in a month. Now when I say “food food”, I’m talking about full blown meals; a meat, a starch, veggies, and desert.
Before I really stopped eating, I was eating like a 3 year old and then I started eating only bites of things which lead me to lose almost 50 pounds within a month! Now I know I’m looking all slim thick and what not BUT… I. AM. WORRIED. So after 2 previous ER pull-ups, I finally got admitted so that the “professionals” could take a thorough look at me because I just feel that something is wrong and I hate to feel sick—I know that I’m constantly sick but that’s just called lifetime sick. My bubbly isn’t as authentic as it should be when I feel sick. When I feel good, I’m bubbly, which brings joy to people all over. Sigh. But here I am.
Well now that I got my venting out. I have to say that I am thankful. November is the month of so many things. Including Epilepsy Awareness Month (Hey Deja girl!). However, November includes Thanksgiving, which is a time that family come together and eat and just be thankful and that is what is important to me. Ever since I had Bobby removed, it’s been hell. But you know what, despite it all, I am so grateful. I have the ability to wake up every day and walk into a job where some people don’t have that opportunity, whether it’s due to an illness or just the fact that they are having a hard time finding a job.
I have a family who loves me unconditionally without a doubt where some people are estranged from their family or they have no family at all. Despite every single thing that has happened to ME, God has spared me, forgiven me and has continued to bless me with favor and the ability to brighten the lives of people every day. I woke up in my right mind with ability to use all of my limbs, EVEN though I’ve been going through.
Would you believe me if I told you that I was tired, tired of fighting this battle? Well, I am. I am tired of every single part of this journey. I am sooo young and I just want to live life, not always have to attend a doctor’s appointment, not hearing people play doctor, not have to be mindful of side effects and chronic pain and aggravation. I don’t have to cry alone because my attitude and things about me are constantly changing and the list goes on and on! But because of the prayers of my family and friends! Because of the encouragement, motivation and reminders from my family and friends! Here I am. The LupieGirl. I know many times, I look like I have it all together, but believe it when I say, many times I don’t. However, I think about all that I’ve made it through and those who have been with me on this journey and I am so grateful. What are you grateful for?
Did You Know?
An estimated 1.5 million Americans and 5 million people worldwide are living with lupus.