Change is coming... right?

Can you believe how fast this year has gone by? Soon, there will be the "New Year, New Me" saying. Sigh. Within, two months, so much has happened. I honestly feel like my world was turned upside down; but things have started to slow down and settle for a change. Finally, labs are coming back normal, dialysis is going steady, I've been cleared to return to work and things have been looking up. People have asked, "Brie, what happened?" To clear things up, my kidney rejected. How? I have no clue. One day I was fine and days later I'm in the hospital, damn near on my death bed. I laid in the Cleveland Clinic for TWENTY SIX days. And let me be clear, Do I love the Cleveland Clinic? I do. However, going there will ALWAYS be my last choice. I was stuck over 75 times. ​

Fast Forward.... January 23, 2019..
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So I started writing this blog post way in November and then suddenly gave up, just like that. But I decided to pick it up and get back to it.  For the last few months, my emotions have been in the pits. After those 26 days that I stressed about spending in the Cleveland Clinic, I was actually admitted to the hospital 3 or 4 times after that. I kept getting infections and my incision where Bobby was removed continuously had issues. I feel a crap load of emotions and I decided to fall back off social media a little bit. Honestly, this whole Kidney/Dialysis/Lupus ordeal has made me bitter as hell. Maybe just angry as hell can be a better way to put it. But what do I do? I pray right? I continuously motivate and encourage myself right? But what do you do when you've done that and you grow tired? What happens when you decide that this is what you no longer want to deal with? Not only did I have issues where Bobby was located but I also had developed ANOTHER blood clot in my lung. Also, I had been out of work for TWO MONTHS and time was running low. I needed to get back to work but my body would not bounce back. As much as my family and friends tried to comfort me, I was SCRESSED! Then finally, I was out the hospital and I was doing okay. I got to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years out as a free woman but soon after New Years, I got locked up again. I wasn't so upset because I did have a beautiful room that had a somewhat patio or little Florida room where I could see the water. That was a bit soothing. 

After hearing it over and over, I decided to see a therapist and I must say that I LOVE HER!!! Her energy is bright and that is definitely what I need. Imagine, dealing with no appetite and having this "gaggy" feeling constantly, then stomach pains from not having an appetite, still having to go to work to keep benefits and make money, having to sit in dialysis 3 days a week for 3 and half hours each time, trying to keep up with your social life and professional development life, deal with joint pain and major headaches at night and still be the bubbly person that I am. How do I do it? God is all I can say because BBAAABBBY!!! 

Despite it all, I am strong. I am phenomenal! I am Great! I know that with all this that is going on, I know a big big blessing is coming my way! I've been close to death many times and each time God saved me and brought me here for a purpose. Is it my purpose to keep the LupieGirl going? Is it to inspire, motivate and encourage those with chronic illnesses? I guess I have to wait see the wonderful things God has in store for me! I am working hard to remember that despite what is happening right now, change is going to come. 
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