Many people don't know that in the same year when I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis (2011), I also developed a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot in the lung). I just remember how pissed I was because I had the "why me" feeling. Have you ever been going through something and feel like you're the ONLY ONE that it is happening to? Well, that was me, definitely. Never being sick before, I had to learn the ways of health and how hospitals worked and they are the worse! I had been questioning God like "Cough, Cough, sooo, what's good Lord?" "So you just gonna drop a disease I knew NOTHING about right in my immune system without ANY warning!?" I just didn't get it. I then believed that God had been punishing me for everything bad that I did in my past. I didn't think I was a horrible person but my slick mouth has had her ways. From wanting to be on the working side of health to actually being the statistical side of health really broke me down a bit. But months later, I had bounced back and was ready to conquer the world and be the "Nurse Practitioner" I always wanted to be. However, one day, I got shot down and that was the first time I ever heard someone say to me without directly saying it to me that I can't do something.
It was Vocational REHAB that I will never forget and don't tell on me! By this time, I was deemed disabled according to THEY, but I wanted to hopefully work and get back into school, you know, and get my I N D E P E N D E N C E back. (Now I'm singing the song to myself LOL). So I explained to the worker there that I wanted to get back in school and finish getting my degree in Nursing. She looked at me puzzled before she took that deep breath and gave me that "Chile Please" look. She said "Ms. Salter, being a nurse is great and all, but with your disease, we have to stay realistic". I questioned myself asking "but wasn't I being realistic?" I was pissed. She explained to me that nursing was not for me and I needed to pick a career that wasn't high stress and where I could sit all day. I explained that I didn't want a job like that. I am an outgoing person and love being on the go at the blink of a moment! Plus, at that time, I was TWO HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS! I needed all the walking around I could get! She explained that with this disease, I couldn't do what I used to and nursing was NOT an option for me. I got up sobbing, and walked out, grabbed my next appointment card, but I never, until this day went back. I instantly got upset but I was determined to do it whether she believed it or not. A year after that, I started to believe her. I then believed I wouldn't finish school all together. I started to believe that I wouldn't succeed and wouldn't be able to fully bounce back. I started seeing a psychiatrist who then diagnosed me with depression;
Depression is REAL.
I was depressed and it seemed that my world was falling apart. People kept reminding me about the story of Job but I didn't want to hear that! I felt like when things are bad that is when people run with their bibles and tell the stories that they remember most. I was a 19 year old adult who was ready to CONQUER THE WORLD! I definitely wasn't thinking about what God was trying to do in me! I was just trying to be great, successful and prove to the world that I COULD and WOULD overcome this. And I did! But I had to listen to God and understand that everything happened for a reason and understand that I need to focus on God and not try to "prove" anything to anybody. Surprisingly, that one bible story is what got me through to my better days. I didn't get my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing BUT, by that time, Nursing was something I no longer wanted to do! I grew to love and admire health organizations, health laws, compliance, and patients and their well being. I learned to understand health as a patient and as a student. God had blessed me to get a degree where I couldn't only work in a hospital but where I could run it!
Did You Know?
An estimated 1.5 million Americans and 5 million people worldwide are living with lupus.